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We're basically bathed in feces as a society." --Philip Tierno, director of Clinical Microbiology and Immunology, Langone Medical Center, New York University "Any problem that can be solved with the assistance of rappelling gear is an interesting problem." --The Doctor "I'd like to see people actually get angry about the quality of the material that they are having shoved down their throats. Seems Twitter would rather bad people do bad things than good people like me describe how bad they are." --Doc Zombie "There is nothing funny about making fun of the things other people love. Kyrin "Between the wine and the cock, I'm a little drunk." --Lauren "There's a guy down by the pool who comes from the planet Trying Too Fucking Hard." --Jason "Whoever's next, rock thou out with thine cock out!" --Kyrin "They say the celebrities die in threes.. but trust Billy Mays to throw in an extra AT NO ADDITIONAL COST!" --Hasufin "I prefer to give people solutions that make their quality of life better today than do nothing because it's not perfect." --Martin Roesch "Anyone who makes ME look like the epitomy of maturity has serious problems." --Kyrin "A gentleman was supposed to prefer being a dead lion to being a live jackal. Me, I've always preferred to be a live lion, so that puts me outside the rules." --Lazurus Long "Kyrin, no violating the Elder Gods!" --Jason "Holy water is apparently the universal solvent." --Hasufin "I'm exercising due dilligence. I bill by the hour." --Anonymous "I have no need to play Solomon with my testicles as the mommmies!" --Jason, Elon Casino on penile bifurcation "I live near DC and carry a balance on my Citibank Visa card. At these interest rates, they won't let anything happen to me. The nation's capital is safe. As long as you don't ride the Metro, anyway." --ScentCone "I share much DNA with the freaky old sonofabitch." --Kyrin, on Father's Day "Objective journalism is one of the main reasons American politics has been allowed to be so corrupt for so long. You can't be objective about Nixon." --Hunter S. Thompson The mass driver: because nothing says "I love you" quite like relativistic bombardment with nickel-iron asteroids.